The thing that’s got me most nervous about my impending matrimony is the unresolved clerical clerical paperwork that has to be done. According to The Catholic Church, neither Marga nor I are prepared for matrimony. And until we get the go ahead, the priest in Mondragon will not marry us.

She has not yet been confirmed, and I have not yet been Catholic. Luckily, there are bureaucratic loopholes to slip through. From what we learned from the guy that gave us our Catholic marriage classes, Marga can sign a paper saying that she will get confirmed just as soon as she gets around to it, and that’s good enough. And I, with a brief tutorial on the differences between the Episcopalian faith and Catholicism, I can sign something-or-other and become Catholic, skipping all the the baptism, first communion, and confirmation shenanigans and be marryable. Hallelujah!

Our local mentor, Luis, that told us all this, said, “August is a really busy month here, so get back to me in September and there will still be plenty of time to work things out.” So, on September 1, we call him up. But guess what?

There’s a new bishop in town!

The bishopship of Cantabria just changed. Praise Jesus! So the new guy is swamped under paperwork and figuring out how things used to be done and changing things to how he wants them done, etc. I know what it’s like to change jobs. The first few days, you don’t get a damn blessed thing done. I understand that. But here’s the problem…

By law, they have to post a “does anyone have a reason to object to these two marrying?” poster outside the church where we will be wed three weeks before the wedding! It’s the equivalent of that “forever hold your peace” stuff they do in America. So this puts our deadline to, let’s see…. THIS SATURDAY!

We finally got in contact with Luis, who has not been answering his cell phone in the past week. He said that the Cantabrian branch of The Church is still in a huge dust storm and everyone is trying to get their bearings. We said, “Yeah, that’s great, but we got a deadline here, pal!” Luis promises to get back with us today, but I see the chances of that happening as about as good as the Pope taking off his funny hat.

So what’s going to happen, barring some kind of divine intervention, the fiancée and I are going to go to Santander tomorrow morning and camp out in the Bishop’s office until we get what we want.

It’s on now, your Holiness!

Check.