Google is really funny sometimes, mainly because it provides an unbiased algorithmic mirror of society. While chuckling about people that find my blog by asking google 20-word complete sentences, I was going to run a search, for the sheer irony of it, for “Should I search with complete sentences?” But the suggestions that popped up distracted me. People are seriously asking Google questions about how to lead their lives in the first person!

Let me answer these for you, people.

1. If you go, there will be trouble. But if you stay it will be double. So go.
2. Kill ‘em both.
3. Yes, but don’t mention the other women of your dreams.
4. No, it would be a waste even if you knew your place.
5. Yes, you should be a teacher.
6. Go, trouble. Stay, double. Got it? Get outta here!
7. No, you should go back to XP, or, ideally, buy a Mac.
8. Sure, get a cat, but be sure to post photos of it with funny captions on the internet. There’s a shortage, don’t ya know?
9. Yes, be a nurse. But only if you get to wear one of those little hats.
10. Only if you can do so without getting caught.

There, now that’s all settled.